Our Transportation Future
Enthusiastic futurists speak of self-driving cars, high speed rail, battery powered supersonic airplanes, Moon and Mars junkets, faster-than-light teleportation. As our world of wonder slouches toward dyspeptic dystopia, these are hot air fantasies. The World of Tomorrow! was an old World’s Fair exhibit that had models of modern automobiles whizzing about the metropolis without pause. We all know what really happened: miles-long traffic backups and carbon monoxide migraines.
But do not despair! There is one hot air fantasy that will actually work! Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, sorry, it’s not Superman. It’s a rotund, jolly, lollygagging gas-filled blob! Yes! It’s a freakin’ blimp! And soon the skies will be filled with them!
The Durable Dirigible Company, LLC, is about to launch its fleet of bulbous blimps across America! We’re here to serve your transportation and commerce needs, and at a fraction of the cost! Forget the top-heavy cargo ships backed up in port! Forget the ten-ton uninspected killer trucks stuck in traffic! Forget the antique 19th century chronically derailing railroads! Forget the Earth-destroying carbon-emitting need-it-yesterday jet planes!
Oh, the humanity! First thing you must do is erase from your mind the image of the Hindenburg blowing up and think instead of the Macy’s Day Parade. Nobody fills their zeppelins with explosive hydrogen anymore. Helium is an inert gas that, when inhaled, makes you sound like Mickey Mouse. Ask any child. What is more fun than a balloon?
So the first thing to realize is that a blimp is safer than any other means of transportation. The second thing to realize is it takes a lot less energy to operate a blimp than any other means of transportation. The third thing to realize is blimps are adorable! They can be decorated any way you like and can be made into almost any shape imaginable. And now that our habit of expecting instant gratification has been thwarted by the pandemic, we’ve matured to the point that we can enjoy a leisurely sojourn in a meandering blimp. No need to get there right away. Lean back, sip your cocktail, and enjoy the view!
And as the top image illustrates, your new house can be delivered, preassembled, anywhere you like, at a fraction of the cost! Why get ripped off by corrupt local contractors when you can have your dream home constructed far away where labor is cheap, and the workers are hungry and reputable?
You may not be ready to see the skies filled with delightful dirigibles, but baseball fans know their favorite players have been looking skyward for many years. So, invest now and watch your earnings go up, up, and away!
